The World
by Ayatsuji
Summary: The bond between two brothers cannot easily be cut, and only Sasuke and Itachi have ever succeeded. Sasuke doesn't love Itachi—he hates him, and Itachi knows this. [Gen. ItachiSasuke.]


**F R E E . T A L K  
**

**2006.12.28:** Merry (late) Christmas and a Happy (early) New Years! This was originally posted part by drabble part, and as such had a total of 38 separate chapters. I have, since, removed the first 37 chapters so that this story will be read in its entirety the way it should be read. :3 Of course, I lost all my story hits with the move, but at least the reviews remain. And that's what is important. Have a good day!

—And so, The World Ends. This is the entire story in its entirety, and I would recommend reading the entire thing before proceeding to the final part - this is how it was written, and this is how it would have been posted had it been completed when I needed to write it. Thanks so much to all of you who've reviewed, read, and liked it. I hope I'll see you guys in some of my other stories, or maybe again when I wander back into the Naruto fandom. :3

— Kuroi

(x) **Date:** 2006.10.04 - 2006.11.26  
(x) **Author:** Kuroi

(x) **Summary:** A series of short, short, short vignettes that string together to form a story. Sasuke doesn't love Itachi; he hates him, and Itachi knows that.  
(x) **Pairing:** N/A  
(x) **Warnings:** No rating warnings; gen. Be prepared for anything emotionally, however.

(x) **Dedicated to:** Keaira  
(x) Naruto © Kishimoto Masashi, Date Hayato

* * *

— T H E . W O R L D —  
INFECTS

—x—

Sasuke hates Itachi the way he once loved him; with a single-minded determination unmatched by any other shinobi, person, or creature still living. He would like to say he hates Itachi with all his heart, but he knows he cannot, because Itachi took his heart with him when he left.

There is a part of Sasuke that says he should let Itachi go; that Itachi isn't someone worth all the attention Sasuke is giving him; that by hating Itachi the way he does, he's only giving Itachi what he wants. He's only giving Itachi what he asked for.

But Sasuke knows this—he's always known this; and he hates Itachi all the more for it because it's all he knows how to do.

A long time ago, so long ago that he no longer remembers, Sasuke tried to have friends; he tried to meet new people. He tried to expand his world to encompass more than just his parents and Itachi. But that was a long time ago and now, Itachi is the only one. Sasuke doesn't like it, and he tries to change it, but he knows it.

Itachi is his world, and so he has to kill Itachi before there will be room for anyone else.

—

There is a boy named Naruto in the village. Sasuke didn't know of and didn't care for his existence until after Itachi had gone. He thought then that maybe, just maybe, with Itachi gone that he'd be able to let someone in. But he doesn't, and never does, because Itachi's absence has left a hole too big for Naruto's small sandals—a size smaller than Sasuke's own—to fill.

He thinks that when Naruto grows older—when he's Itachi's age—then maybe his sandals will be big enough to fit Itachi's footprints; but this never happens, because Naruto is short—shorter than he is—and he's not Itachi. He never was Itachi and never will be Itachi, and Sasuke feels some regret because he had allowed himself to hope even though Itachi had told him not to.

Sasuke hates Itachi, and he hates it more when Itachi's right.

Naruto is blond, blue-eyed, and short, but Sasuke likes him even though he's different. He'll never tell him that, or even admit it to himself, but Naruto is different, and that's why Sasuke likes him. He's nothing like Itachi, and that's a good thing to Sasuke.

If he's nothing like Itachi, then Sasuke doesn't have to worry about Naruto being Itachi.

He stops thinking, then, because his thoughts are contradicting each other and his head hurts from where Naruto managed to kick him earlier.

—

When Sasuke became shinobi—graduated top of his year the way his father never cared he could—Sasuke didn't cheer, celebrate, or even smile the way his classmates did. Becoming shinobi was only one step on his road to Itachi and his classmates were just the pebbles and dirt that made his path unsmooth. He sat alone on the lake dock and stared into his reflection, watching as it slowly became the face he couldn't love.

There were no pebbles on the dock, though, and so he had to settle for kicking at the water the way he couldn't when he was younger. Sasuke didn't want to think of becoming Itachi; it was an idea that both disturbed and upset him—mostly because he understood its plausibility.

Sasuke is only twelve years old, but he's no less the genius Itachi is. Just younger, shorter, and always in the shadow.

He's not bitter though, not because of the shadow. Not anymore.

Naruto is an optimist—he's blindingly confident in his own inabilities, and possesses an endless amount of energy that makes Sasuke tired sometimes. Naruto is an optimist; Sasuke is not. But Sasuke isn't a pessimist either, because pessimists are the happiest sort people and Sasuke hasn't been happy for a long time.

Sasuke is only twelve years old, and even if he's not like other boys and girls his age, he's still had the childhood everyone else had. He's had a family; a mother, a father, an older brother. And like many younger siblings, he's loved and worshipped and idolized the older.

Itachi is his role model; the one Sasuke wants to grow up to be.

After all, Sasuke has to be Itachi to kill Itachi, and Sasuke knows this.

—

Sasuke's team is Team 7, and his teacher is Hatake Kakashi. Kakashi is infuriating, but Sasuke tries not to let it show. It's hard sometimes, especially when Sasuke knows Kakashi knows, and it seems his teacher only tries harder (to be infuriating).

And it seems that it's working.

It's not that Sasuke dislikes Kakashi, or even his other teammates; Naruto and Sakura. It's just that they get in his way and they try to make him open up to them because that's what teammates are for.

He hates that they're almost succeeding, because if they succeed, then where will Itachi be?

Sasuke has no room in his heart for anyone but Itachi. In his mind, he's still eight and Itachi's still thirteen. At that age, Itachi was three heads taller than him and in Sasuke's eyes, he always will be.

Everyone will always be three heads taller than he is because Sasuke sees Itachi in everybody; even in people that are nothing like him. It makes it hard for him to concentrate on hating Itachi and that frustrates Sasuke because if he can't hate Itachi, then he can't do anything else.

And Itachi would be so disappointed.

Deep down inside, or maybe not even that deep down, Sasuke has never wanted to disappoint Itachi even after all the times Itachi has disappointed him.

Perhaps Sasuke really still is Itachi's little brother, and not just the monster he created.

—

Sometimes, Sasuke's body moves on its own. He doesn't know why and he doesn't know how, but it does, and all he knows is that he never regrets it. He thinks he's died, when it happens with that other boy who also has a bloodline limit. He thinks he's died, but at the same time he knows he hasn't, because he can _hear_ Naruto scream around him and he can even _feel_ the monstrous chakra that _looks_both red and orange.

If he's dead, he shouldn't be able to sense anything, should he? Or maybe there is a God, and his death was his punishment for never believing in him.

But whether there is or is not a God, Sasuke wakes up later, and pulls the medicinal needles from his neck. It hurts, but the pain is further proof to him that he's alive, and he has to be alive to fulfill his only purpose in life.

So he's grateful to Haku and his kind, kind heart. He's not dead, but Haku is, and so he feels some regret in that.

His relationship with Naruto is different afterwards as well. Naruto worries about him even if he does pretend not to, and Sasuke notices despite the bad acting—he isn't stupid, and Naruto wears his heart on his sleeve.

He wonders why Naruto hasn't lost it yet—his heart, that is—as unprotected and vulnerable as he leaves it. Sasuke lost his long ago, and now guards the place it once lay with a wall of ice built over the years.

But even ice will crumble if it's left freezing too long.

—

It wasn't until Sasuke had graduated from the Academy and become a member of Team 7 that he became anything more than a loner. It isn't until the Exam that he acknowledges anyone outside his team as tentative acquaintances. He still has no friends, because friends imply closeness similar to that he had before, once upon a time with Itachi, and he has no intention of sharing that with anyone else.

The examination is a new experience for Sasuke—aside from the first C-turned-A-class mission that could easily have taken his life had he not met someone with a heart kinder than Naruto's, Sasuke has never fought opponents that could possibly be considered his equal or his superior. He has never fought anyone, aside from Zabuza and Haku, with the strength and capability of ending his life where he stands.

He has never been treated as a toy before.

Itachi has never considered him an opponent, and so Sasuke doesn't think of him as he faces Orochimaru. He thinks of the mark the Sannin gave him, and he weighs the pros and cons of taking Orochimaru's offer of power.

It's not only the power that he wants; Sasuke wants the fifty years of knowledge Orochimaru possesses—after all, Sasuke is only twelve, and Itachi is only seventeen. Both are decades behind in life experience, and the opportunity to learn all that Orochimaru offers tempts him sorely.

But Sasuke is nothing if not determined, and he fights the urge to give in to the mark that's been left on him.

—

Sasuke knows he isn't well liked by the other shinobi; he treats them contemptuously and insults them openly with a vocabulary that adults think he shouldn't have. His appearance is popular among Konoha's kunoichi, and even with kunoichi outside Konoha; but nobody really likes him for who he is, and Sasuke accepts and understands that.

He does not understand his teammates who, despite his discouraging behavior and attitude, continue to press and emphasize the importance of their existence and companionship. Sasuke sees no point in actually making an effort to get along with them, but he finds it's much harder to resist their constant insistence of friendship than it is to hate Itachi.

Hating Itachi takes all of his concentration, and he opts to let his teammates think they've gotten through to him than to spend effort trying to deter theirs. He's less stressed this way, and he returns to hating Itachi with every fiber of his being.

Naruto thinks he's finally gotten through to Sasuke, and he goes to travel with one Sannin in search of another—the two that are not Orochimaru. Sasuke doesn't care until he hears that Itachi's returned.

It's insulting to him to learn that it's not Sasuke that Itachi's here for, but rather Naruto, and he wonders what's so great about him? Itachi's always been good at inciting negative feelings within him—to Itachi, Sasuke's just another Pandora's Box to be opened a crack at a time—and Sasuke's resentment due to Itachi's indirect rejection is the rift that forms between him and Naruto.

—

Itachi doesn't look any different than he did five years before, is the first thing Sasuke thinks when he sees him again. He still possesses the same, indifferent expression that he had always looked at Sasuke with, back when Itachi was still his brother. His outfit has changed, his nails are painted, and his hair is longer, but underneath it all, he's still Itachi and Sasuke pretends it doesn't ache inside to know this.

Itachi is still three heads taller than him, and Sasuke almost laughs when he realizes this.

But Sasuke doesn't laugh, because Itachi nearly kills him this time—would have if Sasuke had been stronger, but Sasuke is still too weak to spend the effort on, and so Itachi leaves him alive.

Sasuke knows what Itachi's plan is; after all, Itachi told it to him in plain terms the day he left, and Sasuke's always listened attentively to his older brother. He knows that Itachi is what drives him to become stronger—stronger than Itachi ever will be—and he knows that when he's finally strong enough to suit Itachi's purposes, Itachi will use him and then unhesitatingly throw him away.

He knows this, and he follows the plan accordingly anyway.

It's almost confusing to Sasuke, why he does what he does and why he still listens to Itachi the way he always has, but it's familiar, and to Sasuke, the familiarity is all that matters.

—

Naruto grows stronger as Sasuke lies in a hospital bed, and when Sasuke wakes, all he can see is the closing gap between the dead last and the genius of the genius clan. The resentment from Itachi's rejection hasn't disappeared in the time Sasuke has been asleep, and it's only grown and festered in his dreams.

Sasuke's no longer ahead of Naruto, and he worries that soon Naruto will surpass him. If that happens, then Itachi's interest in him will only increase and Sasuke will never be able to catch up.

It is this fear that drives Sasuke forward, and to Sasuke, it's Naruto's fault he's leaving. He thinks Sakura should realize this instead of crying and begging and making him think less of her.

When Naruto chases him with Shikamaru and the other genin in tow, Sasuke wonders why Naruto just doesn't _get it_. The answer comes to him first before Naruto tells him outright as they stand facing each other on the water in the Valley of the End, and Sasuke thinks that he's lucky he was given the chance to know his family even if they were taken away.

In a way, Naruto is right and he really can empathize with Sasuke's situation; but Naruto has forgotten that unlike Sasuke, he's never had an older brother and therefore cannot really know what it is like. Sasuke listens when Naruto argues that he thinks of Sasuke as a brother, and Sasuke thinks that Naruto is lucky he _isn't_ his brother because Sasuke knows what brothers are really like.

It's in that moment and then the moments afterwards that Sasuke decides that maybe Itachi isn't always right, and maybe has never been.

—

Orochimaru welcomes Sasuke when Kabuto shows him in, and he expresses his disappointment that Sasuke hadn't been able to come sooner. He shows no remorse for the deaths of his Sound Five, and Sasuke wonders if such callous disregard for his well-being is what he should expect for the years he'll be spending with him.

Sasuke doesn't spend long contemplating his future; the only future he sees is Itachi and Itachi's never been prone to sharing what is his. He knows of Orochimaru's plan to make him his container—he accepts and almost welcomes it.

His only goal is to kill Itachi, and as long as it is his body, whether it's he or Orochimaru controlling it is inconsequential.

He has three years before Orochimaru will be able to perform another body transfer, and Sasuke hopes to have grown strong enough to kill Itachi by then. He does not expect it will be so, but he knows Orochimaru has everything and more to teach him, and he plans to take advantage of the resources presented to him.

Sasuke is thirteen years old, but Sasuke is neither naive nor stupid.

His will is far stronger than Orochimaru's, and he knows Orochimaru knows this.

—

While Sasuke lives in Otogakure and studies under Orochimaru's tutelage, he doesn't think of the home he left and the people he left behind. There are times when he wonders whether Naruto is still trying to keep his promise to Sakura, but he dispels those thoughts quickly; he has no need for distractions, and Naruto has always been the biggest one.

Orochimaru plans to use Sasuke as his container, but he does not allow Sasuke any more priveledges than he allows any other shinobi he's recruited for Oto. Sasuke understands this and can almost appreciate the gesture.

Sasuke spends much of his time with Kabuto, who Orochimaru has instructed to keep an eye on him in case Sasuke decides to backtrack and leave; Sasuke has no intention of doing so before he has learned all the Sannin is willing to teach him, but Orochimaru is cautious and Kabuto is much stronger than he looks.

Kabuto doesn't like him, and to him, the feeling is mutual; Sasuke cannot die before Itachi, and so he keeps up appearances and learns to tolerate the medic's presence.

Three years is a very short amount of time when compared to how long he has already been waiting for Itachi to notice him—pay attention to him—and Sasuke's always been very patient.

—

Perhaps two years have passed when Sasuke hears of the sudden movement of the Akatsuki. They've been lying low since their first attempt to retrieve the Jinchuuriki from Naruto, and Sasuke has used that time to grow stronger. It's at that time that Oto spies report Naruto's return to Konohagakure and he takes temporary leave of Orochimaru to follow the two groups. He's not surprised to see the results of the clash and he briefly contemplates abandoning the path he's been traveling to return to the village he once considered home.

However, Sasuke is not indecisive, and he dismisses the idea immediately. Naruto has grown stronger, but Naruto has never been a point of interest for him, and he has nothing left in the village that has declared him traitor and missing. Instead, he focuses on Itachi the way he always has and for the first time, finds that it is he who is disappointed.

The disappointment doesn't last long, however; because Itachi is still stronger than he's ever been, sightless or not, and Sasuke thinks he should be grateful he decided not to take the path Itachi layed out for him.

In this, Itachi is the loser and for once Sasuke leaves with answers rather than questions.

—

He takes his leave of Oto at the end of the three year period with a new outfit and Kabuto's blood on his hands. Sasuke has nowhere to go, but he has no need of one and therefore it doesn't bother him. Instead, he sets off to do what he's promised Itachi he'd do since he was half the age he is now, and it's with sure, confident steps that he begins the last stretch of an already paved road.

Sasuke expects and predicts many things, but Itachi has always been better than he is at reading others and so Sasuke is surprised when Itachi appears to greet him before he can really begin to search. His surprise gives way to the anger and resentment he reserves solely for the one who was once his brother and he knows Itachi has predicted this as well. The knowledge only angers him further and Sasuke has never fought rationally against Itachi; this time is no different.

His defeat is quick and merciless, the way it has always been, and the disappointment so clearly expressed in Itachi's contemptuous facial expression breaks something that hadn't yet been broken in Sasuke. Sasuke wonders what it is that is hurting him so much—something other than the sword whose blade is impaled through his gut.

"What will you do if I die?" he asks Itachi, and Itachi doesn't answer him. It's a bitter feeling that wells up in his stomach, and he looks down to see maybe it's just the continuous flow of blood.

Blood has a bitter taste, after all.

—

It is a wonder he isn't dead, Sasuke thinks to himself when he wakes to find himself shirtless and bandaged tightly at the waist. Itachi is nowhere to be seen, and Sasuke is leaning against the base of a large tree. He can see the blood-soaked patch of grass a few feet before him, and knows he's still in the same place.

He wonders vaguely whether he should be indignant that Itachi decided to pity him and spare his life, or grateful because of it. He settles instead on laughing at the expense of the pain in his side and for once he doesn't feel anything at all.

Itachi won't kill him because Sasuke has a job to do. As long as that job hasn't been completed, Sasuke's life is ensured.

It's almost funny, this situation Sasuke has found himself in, and his laughter leaves nothing but the bitter aftertaste of the blood he had coughed up.

—

Itachi is the kind, older brother every teenage boy wants to have. At the age of thirteen, he gave his eight-year-old, younger brother a job that would take a lifetime to complete. Sasuke has been grateful to him for this favor, and spends his childhood and increasing years working to repay it.

Sasuke meets Itachi again not long after their first encounter in three years. He doesn't attack him this time, though, because their meetings are on Itachi's terms and one of the first rules Sasuke learned as a shinobi was to tread carefully on enemy ground. The bandaged wound around Sasuke's waist still stings, but Sasuke is in better shape than ever before and he is sure Itachi can see that even without his sight.

There are no words spoken for a while, and the two brothers stand in the forest clearing, both staring at the other without really seeing. It is Itachi who speaks first this time, and Sasuke finds his own question thrown back at him.

"What will you do after you kill me?" Itachi asks, and Sasuke doesn't answer him because he has nothing to say.

His silence is accepted as the answer Itachi was expecting, and Sasuke can only kick at the dirt beneath his feet when Itachi disappears again with an air of amusement that Sasuke hates even more than the contempt.

—

The question bothers Sasuke for days afterwards, and for once it isn't the subject of how to kill Itachi that's on his mind, but rather what comes afterwards. To Sasuke, there is no future without Itachi, and he wonders what exactly that means. He has never bothered to ask himself this question before, but now that it's been brought up, he finds himself wanting to know just exactly what the answer is. Sasuke had always assumed that when his aim in life had been completed, he'd return to Konoha and rebuild the clan as he had promised he would.

As it was assumed he would.

But no matter how hard Sasuke tries, he cannot imagine being accepted back in the village—not after the way he left it years and years before. He finds he doesn't really want to. Sasuke cannot imagine returning to his former Team and perhaps marrying Sakura; he assumes that Sakura has realized she has two very capable shinobi after her heart and that between the two of them, she really has no need for him. Sakura has always been smart, and to Sasuke, waiting for someone who will probably never return is not.

Sasuke cannot return to Konoha because he no longer sees Konoha. He cannot remember the way its gates looked; he cannot remember the stone visions of the village's past leaders. He cannot remember the people who took care of him, who pitied him and tried to help him unnecessarily when Itachi had first gone all those years before.

His eyes no longer see a path as clear-cut as before, and even the vision of Naruto's brilliant grin has dulled and blurred over the years he's been gone.

All Sasuke has ever seen is Itachi's back; he's never lost sight of it because it's always encompassed the entirety of Sasuke's vision. Sasuke does not possess the Mangekyou, and so he still has his physical sight; but now, Sasuke wonders if he isn't blinder than Itachi has ever been.

—

Their third meeting is different from the first two in that it is Sasuke who approaches Itachi instead of the other way around. He doesn't know what to say, and so he remains silent for some time. It seems to him that most of their conversations proceed this way, and so he opens his mouth to say something—anything. Instead of words, though, the only sound produced by his open mouth is an unintelligible choke and his vision focuses the way Itachi's never will to see his brother pull his fist back from where it had embedded itself in his stomach.

"What will you do after you kill me?" Itachi asks again, his voice a cool monotone as he straightens up and looks Sasuke in the eye with sightless, swirling red eyes.

Sasuke's voice is firm and decisive even as his answer is not, and he resists the urge to double over on his knees and clutch his arm to his gut when he says, "There is nothing after I kill you, _Aniki_."

Itachi laughs at this, and Sasuke only feels indifference where once he would have felt insulted. His answer is his answer, even if it's not an answer at all, and Itachi has always laughed at him anyway.

"You really are that same, foolish, little brother I spared all those years ago," Itachi says, and his chuckle mocks Sasuke with an edge his words will never carry. Sasuke knows already, though, and also knows that it is his foolishness that allows him to continue the way he has and so he accepts this as truth rather than insult.

It is with a smile that doesn't reach his eyes that Sasuke nods and tells him, "This is what you've always wanted. I'm just giving it to you."

—

"How are you?"

"I am well, thank you. And you?"

"I'm alive and well, thank you for your concern."

"The weather is nice today, isn't it?"

"Yes, it is; the sky is clear and the sun is out, it seems like it will be a very good day."

"Aa, that's good."

Their conversations are almost normal, Sasuke notes to himself when silence falls between them. It's neither a comfortable silence nor an uncomfortable one; it's just normal and one that Sasuke is used to. When they speak like this, Sasuke and Itachi, it's easy to imagine what it would have been like if he didn't hate Itachi and if Itachi wasn't just using him.

He wishes Itachi wasn't his brother, sometimes, because then maybe it wouldn't have hurt as much as it did. They don't speak for very long, and they don't speak very often, but it's when they sit together, side by side underneath one of the many trees surrounding them that Sasuke can imagine all the what ifs he once said he wouldn't think of. It is a weak heart that regrets the past and wishes things were otherwise; Sasuke knows his heart is weak, and has always been weak because with Itachi beside him, he can feel it again and its beat is almost non-existent.

Sasuke knows that if it had been anyone other than Itachi; if it had been his father, his cousins, his distant relatives—if it had been anyone other than Itachi, he could have lived without the burden he carries now. But it _was_ Itachi, and because it was Itachi, he can never stop running because Itachi has always told him not to—stop, that is.

Itachi is his world, and sometimes Sasuke wishes it were otherwise.

—

_"My ambition is to resurrect my clan...and to kill that man."_

How many years has it been, Sasuke wonders, since I said that? Sasuke is only sixteen years old, but his memory isn't as good as it should be. He remembers techniques; he remembers textbook information, but he cannot remember faces anymore. He'd forgotten Konoha in Oto, and now he's forgotten Oto. This bothers him, his inability to remember faces.

He doesn't care about Konoha, and he doesn't care about Oto, but Sasuke can no longer remember the faces long dead and burning.

Sasuke no longer remembers his mother and father.

Naruto's grin has long faded from his eyes, Sakura's pink hair has turned black. Sasuke's eyes are blinder than Itachi's and all he sees is red and black swirls and the silver glint of Itachi's blade.

Why is he fighting when he cannot remember who or what he is fighting for?

_"My ambition is..."_

Sasuke knows his ambition, he's spent his life trying to attain it and has yet to succeed. It's much harder to forget failure than it is to forget anything else, and it is his failure to achieve his life's purpose that keeps him going. Sasuke is nothing if not determined, and he will continue to fail until he dies.

Itachi is always right, Sasuke thinks to himself—he hates it when he's wrong, and he hates it more when Itachi's right.

"I really am far too weak."

—

_"When you can move again, come find me and I will train you. Not Naruto, not Sakura; you."_

Sasuke has never loved anyone but Itachi and his mother. His father ignored him and his relatives overlooked him; his mother was always smiling at him, always praising him, always _there_ for him. Sasuke's brother always broke his promises, always lied to him, always set him aside for something more important; but he never ignored Sasuke and that made all the difference.

If it had been anyone other than Itachi, Sasuke could have killed them and gone on with his life. But Itachi is Itachi and no matter how much Sasuke hates him, he is still his _brother_ and Sasuke's heart can't let go of that.

_"You will die, you know."_

"I know."

"What is strength?" Itachi asks Sasuke, and Sasuke hates that he can never answer his questions when they're first asked. He returns the question, not having an answer to it, and it's with open ears and an open mind that he listens to Itachi's. "When you can bring yourself to kill me, then you will be strong."

Sasuke doesn't want to kill Itachi; he never has, and never will. But because it was Itachi who asked, Sasuke will kill him or die trying.

—

Sometimes, Sasuke just wants to walk away from everything and start over again. He doesn't want to think of Itachi and his unfulfilled revenge; he doesn't want to think of how he's biding his time until Itachi finally becomes impatient and forces him to either kill or die; he doesn't want to think at all. At times like these, he spends his energy to find Itachi while convincing himself that he's doing so in order to finally do what he's always said he would.

He thinks of his ambition and his promise to his clan; he thinks of the ones who called themselves his friends; he thinks of the home he once had. It hurts to think, though, and so when he finally finds Itachi, he stops and takes deep breaths to calm himself down and moves quietly to sit beside Itachi in front of an open fire.

"How did it become like this?" he wonders out loud, and Itachi says nothing, just hands him a fish skewered on a stick before turning to his own food and begins eating.

It's almost domestic, this quiet, almost comfortable scene, and Sasuke wishes this is the way it's supposed to be. But it's not, and he can't help it because no matter how they get along now, Sasuke's never lived in the present; only in the past, and he can't help that either.

—

Itachi has an offer for him when they meet again; it's not an offer stated outright, but an offer nonetheless. They aren't in the forest clearing they normally meet in this time, but rather on the streets of an abandoned village on the borders of Rock country. Sasuke doesn't know why Itachi is here, and he doesn't wonder if Itachi has been following him because Itachi was here already when he arrived.

Sasuke shuts his eyes tightly when red and black swirl together to form a monochromatic scheme of the world around him; the Mangekyou has never been limited by the thin layer of his eyelids so he is unsurprised when he is able to see with his eyes closed. He briefly wonders why Itachi has once again attacked him, but he doesn't wonder long; Itachi has never needed a reason to do something and his mind is far too occupied with his current situation to ponder the insignificant details.

The images Itachi shows him are silent but clear in their meaning: he sees himself returning to Konoha, his ambition still unachieved. He sees Naruto run out to greet him, that same, bright grin almost glowing on his face. He sees their reunion, almost happy but with something missing—Sakura is there, as is Kakashi, but he's not Sasuke anymore because he's left part of him behind, still searching for Itachi. He sees the sentence Tsunade and the elders decide on; it's nothing so kind or humiliating as house arrest or even public execution. He watches silently, over, and over, as Naruto argues with the Godaime over his fate while he rots in a cage. He dies in that cage, and the last thing he sees is Naruto's face and Itachi standing behind him.

"If you don't kill me, Sasuke, I'll never die."

Itachi isn't immortal, but if Sasuke dies before he does, so will everyone else.

—

He wakes to find himself in a bed; its sheets and covers are tattered and not very well kept, but night has fallen and he's still in the abandoned village he came to before. Sasuke doesn't know how long it's been; doesn't know how long Itachi kept him under the Tsukiyomi; but it's night and there is a bed, so Sasuke sets his traps and for once, he sleeps.

Itachi is there when he awakes again, and he doesn't curse himself for not expecting it. Sasuke is needed alive to kill Itachi, and he knows this; as long as Itachi is still alive, he won't die. Not unless it is by his own hand—Itachi wouldn't prevent that because Itachi doesn't need someone too weak to defend themselves _against_ themselves. It's a twisted sort of reasoning, but Sasuke understands it, and Itachi's presence like this feels almost familiar.

"How long have I been out?" he asks quietly, not expecting an answer.

"Not long," Itachi responds; he holds out a glass of water that's been set on the bedside table—almost as broken as the bed—and waits for Sasuke to sit up before handing it to him. He doesn't receive thanks, but Sasuke knows Itachi doesn't expect one and that's why he doesn't say it.

There is only silence after that, but for once it is a comfortable one.

—

Neither Itachi nor Sasuke is sure how long this has been going on—their exchange of words and company with very little malice and an almost companionable atmosphere. Sasuke guesses it's been at least a few months already since he left Otogakure, but time bleeds when he is living day to day without the purpose he once had, and so he isn't sure.

Sasuke trains with the same conviction he's always had, but it's no longer so much for Itachi than it is because of Itachi. Itachi trains with him sometimes, now, and Sasuke wonders if Itachi's sense of time is so skewed that tomorrow is nearly nine years away. He makes no mention of it, however; he is almost grateful for the assistance, and it brings back fond memories of times he had forgotten. Sasuke thinks maybe he'd rather forget them and leave them behind, but those memories make him smile and smiling relieves some of the tension in his muscles.

He's never smiled often before. To him, it's funny that the one who made him cry is also the only one who can make him laugh; and so he does. He laughs long and hard, without the bitterness and the taste of blood in his mouth and he only laughs harder when Itachi stops his kata to watch him with an almost curious air.

It feels good to laugh, Sasuke realizes, and although he has a job to do and no time to let himself feel _good_, he finds he can't help but want to feel that way more often.

Maybe they are still brothers after all; or at least Sasuke thinks so.

—

"Why did you do it?"

"You know this already."

"Just tell me again...I want to hear it."

"Why?"

"Maybe it'll help me hate you again."

They say the world cries when a person dies; that it rains every time someone's life comes to an end. Sasuke doesn't believe this, because if it were true, then the world would constantly be raining—there would never be a day without rain.

It's a heartless place, the world. Sasuke is almost glad it cares nothing for the creatures living on it, that it doesn't care enough to cry.

Sasuke hates the rain.

It was raining that day, that night—he cannot remember many things; things that he doesn't need to—or care to—remember, but Sasuke remembers that night.

He always remembers the things he'd rather forget.

It frustrates him, sometimes; those are the days he goes running through the forest, stepping on the life in the grass and the life in the trees with no concern at all. The only life he cares about is Itachi's, and even then he's not sure whether it's life or death he'd rather see.

Sasuke will never tell Itachi, but he'd rather see Itachi live—if Itachi died, he's sure the world would cry.

And Sasuke hates rain.

—

Sasuke wonders if their present relationship, his and Itachi's, is okay with Itachi's associates. He brings up the topic once during the evening, as they sit around a fire eating a dinner of fish and some vegetables, but Itachi says nothing in response so he never asks again.

They're more like brothers now, and Sasuke thinks Itachi thinks so too. Sometimes, Itachi even removes the uniform cloak and sits beside him in pants and a mesh shirt. It feels almost normal, then, without the signs of their allegiances worn so obviously on their persons. Sasuke has long since removed his hitae-ate, the leaf symbol in the center cracked from the last time he saw Naruto. Itachi wears his, but the long cut across the middle is not so different from the crack in Sasuke's own, and he wears it more so out of habit than out of an intentional statement of betrayal.

The fact that the two of them are more alike than they had once seemed irks Sasuke occasionally, but Itachi's always been his role model, and that has never changed.

Itachi cannot see, but his sight is still better than Sasuke's. His eyes swirl with red and black and for the first time since Sasuke can remember, the Mangekyou doesn't hurt him. Instead, Itachi shows him a time when they had been happy without bad memories, and Sasuke sleeps peacefully without dreams.

He whispers thank you when Itachi pulls his cloak off his shoulders and covers his body with it, and he hears a soft spoken you're welcome as his brother settles on the cloak beside him.

In his sleep, he allows himself to hope things will only continue to improve between them.

—

Itachi runs his fingers through the natural spikes in Sasuke's hair sometimes, and when Sasuke relaxes into the touch, he shakes his hand slightly and makes it so Sasuke's hair doesn't lay flat on the top of his head anymore. He taps Sasuke on the forehead using two fingers when Sasuke grumbles about being treated like a child, and Sasuke can't help but be delighted at the deep chuckle he receives.

Things are almost the way they used to be, but without the constant, "Tomorrow, Sasuke".

It's much nicer like this, Sasuke thinks to himself as he pulls Itachi's cloak tighter over him—it's cold and he never did get a jacket—and while he knows nothing really has changed except on the surface, Sasuke still wants to believe things have. He's always been good at deluding himself, and he lets it happen because it hurts less that way. Sasuke knows it'll hurt more when the self-deception breaks, but he's always been a masochist at heart, and when Itachi kisses him on the forehead and acts in a way he would never have believed possible before, Sasuke allows himself to dream.

"Do you still hate me, Aniki?" Sasuke asks one day, in a tone reminiscent of a time when Itachi was the older brother he never wished for.

His question receives no verbal answer, but Itachi turns blind eyes in his direction and he knows it has been heard. Itachi doesn't answer the obvious, but in this case, Sasuke doesn't know which one 'obvious' is.

Sasuke lets the silence continue for many moments before he shrugs and presses closer to the warmth Itachi's body provides.

"I still hate you..."

—

He doesn't know how many months have passed since he left Oto, but it must have been a while, because Naruto has grown even taller since the last time Sasuke saw him. His grin is just as bright as Sasuke vaguely remembers, and his voice is so full of joy that Sasuke thinks it might be contagious.

"Sasuke!" Naruto's embrace shouldn't surprise him, but it's been so long since Sasuke's seen Naruto that he freezes in an automatic response.

His second reaction is to draw his sword and hold it against the back of Naruto's neck, and he almost laughs when he feels the burn of the Rasengan against his own. "Don't touch me," he hisses out as the chakra burns his skin and Naruto bleeds from the cut he makes.

Naruto does laugh at that, and when the Rasengan disappears, Sasuke removes his sword. He doesn't laugh with Naruto, but Naruto laughs hard enough for both of them and Sasuke pulls away from Naruto's hold as if his former teammate is diseased.

"We've missed you," Naruto says, and Sasuke can only be skeptical. Konohagakure has never been known for its forgiveness, and he knows Naruto knows better than anyone just how well they can hold a grudge. Naruto must have seen the mocking doubt in his expression, because he smiles that cheerful smile he's always smiled and holds a hand out saying, "Well, the ones who matter did; we still do."

Sasuke just shakes his head, however, because as honest as Naruto has always been, Naruto is still as optimistic and idealistic as before, and Sasuke's never believed him. But he finds he wants to return to the place he grew up in, to the people he only vaguely remembers, but Itachi won't be killed by indecisiveness, and Sasuke wonders if he'll never be able to do what he's set his mind—but not his heart—on doing.

_"Come back to Konoha with me!"_

_"They'll forgive you, I'm sure everyone's forgotten about it already!"_

_"If I can forgive you, then everything will be okay!"_

_"Because we're best friends, right?"_

_"Right?"_

—

Naruto has grown smarter since the last time they spoke, years and years before, and he doesn't press Sasuke for an immediate answer. Instead, he asks Sasuke to meet him in the same place in a week, and Sasuke agrees because he doesn't expect to say yes even though part of him wants to. He still has his ambitions, and he will never let go of what he's spent most of his life trying to do.

He knows Naruto knows this as well, because as much as Sasuke wishes he was still the stupid _dobe_ he used to know, he's not anymore and it's painfully obvious in those clear blue eyes of his. Naruto isn't the Naruto he once knew, but Sasuke recognizes his smile, if not his intelligence, and so he agrees to the set time and place of meeting.

"Maybe everything will be okay again," and Sasuke isn't sure who said it because this is what he wants to believe, and what Naruto does believe. But the speaker is inconsequential; Sasuke doesn't know what he wants, and so he relies on others to know for him.

Sasuke watches Naruto as he leaves, and continues to do so even after he's disappeared from sight. When that happens, he activates the Sharingan and continues to watch, but the Sharingan is not the Byakugan and it can only see so far.

Only when he finds Itachi later does he realizes just how Naruto's presence has affected him. "I didn't sense you there," he murmurs quietly as he sits down beside his brother.

He feels rather inadequate, and it isn't until he feels fingers under his chin, tilting his face up to look into eyes, sightless and red as his own, that he thinks he knows what he wants. "What will you do?" Itachi asks him, his breath warm on his skin.

He and Naruto are best friends, yes.

But they're not brothers.

His answer rings clear in his mind, but he leaves his thoughts unspoken.

—

Itachi seems different in the days that follow, and Sasuke almost feels concern. He takes the time to observe and watch Sasuke's movements when they train, and even makes an effort to critique Sasuke's style. The criticism is met badly at first, but Itachi has always been an older brother first, a ninja second, and Sasuke eventually gives into his persistence.

Sasuke admits grudgingly that his techniques are more fluid and effective because of it. He doesn't know why Itachi is helping him; his efforts have always been spent on pursuing Itachi's death, and although his strength is what Itachi wants, Itachi has never shown interest in assisting him before. Sasuke wonders, then, if maybe staying with Itachi would be the wise decision to make. A part of him wants to, because Itachi is his goal, and Itachi is his brother.

It's the larger part of him, and so Sasuke makes his decision.

The thought of returning to Konoha hasn't left, however, and the day he is supposed to meet with Naruto, Sasuke purposely avoids the clearing in order to think. He doesn't know his answer, and his indecision upsets him. In the end, he resolves to speak with Naruto a little longer; if Naruto can give him a single good reason why he should return to Konoha with him, then Sasuke will do it.

He knows Naruto doesn't have one that will satisfy him, though.

When he leaves to meet Naruto, he goes with the knowledge that in the end, his place is with his brother.

—

The sight that greets Sasuke when he enters the designated meeting area almost makes him sick in a way blood never has before. The grass is no longer green, and it crunches loudly beneath his feet. He wants to cover his mouth with his hand and filter his breathing so the smell of fresh blood does not affect his thinking.

Blood has never bothered him before.

But then again, Naruto had always been alive.

"Dobe...—Dobe!" Sasuke kneels beside Naruto's still body, and he reaches out to touch gentle fingertips to cold, stiffening skin. "Yo, Usuratonkachi—wake up." He shakes the blond, but the body doesn't move naturally. It's stiff and beginning to feel like a block of ice. "You'll never become Hokage if you keep sleeping on the job."

_"If I can forgive you, then everything will be okay!"_

Sasuke doesn't know where the blood is coming from, but it continues to pool beneath Naruto's (sleeping) body, and so he lifts the _dobe_ out of the way. There's a dripping sound, and then a dull thud as something falls on the grass below.

This time, Sasuke really is sick when he looks to see what it is that he has dropped. Naruto's corpse falls in pieces from his fingers, and Sasuke tries to block out the image as he attempts to regurgitate nothing at all.

He hadn't eaten the previous night.

_"Because we're best friends, right?"_

—

Konoha is burning. The flames that engulf its walls are even larger than the ones that burned his clan into history. Sasuke takes no heed of the fire that licks his skin and chars his clothes as he runs through the gates, searching for one person and one person alone.

He finds two.

Itachi stands over Sakura; his sword at her throat and his hand fisted in her hair even as she tries with all the strength Tsunade gave her to break his hold. Sasuke thinks, then, if Tsunade is dead, then so is Sakura; because until the student surpasses the teacher, the teacher is the measure of their capacity for survival.

Before Itachi slits her throat and then decapitates her in the same movement, Sasuke sees her red eyes—as red as they were once green—look his way and in them he reads, "You're too weak."

"Why", he can only wonder. Things were getting better between them; "Why? Why now?" He wants to scream the questions at Itachi, demand that he answer them honestly. But he knows the answer already, and the honest answer is not the one he wants to hear.

_"Why, why, why, why, why?"_

The question reverberates through his mind as he lets his body move on its own. It continues to repeat like a mantra as he feels the sword, still wet with the blood of his former teammates and village, impale itself in his gut. It feels vaguely familiar, the way Itachi's katana slides itself out of his body and the blood begins to flow from him as if a dam had broken.

Sasuke doesn't want to see so much blood in such a short amount of time.

And he never wanted to see Itachi walk away from him again, disappearing into the fire as his associates move to join him.

It hurts then, more than anything else, that nothing would ever be okay again.

—

"Kill him," Sasuke hears when the white lights in his mind clear and he can think again. "First he betrays the village, then he comes back to destroy it? Just kill him now. The slower, the better."

"No, he wasn't the one who did this."

"You're just biased, Kakashi, because he was once your student."

He feels surprise, then, although moments later he decides he shouldn't be. Of course there must have been Konoha ninja out on reconnaissance, so when the Akatsuki attacked, they could not have wiped out the village in its entirety.

"And _you're_ not thinking logically. Sasuke isn't strong enough to take on Konoha alone, no matter how much he's improved over the years."

Sasuke thinks he should be offended at that, but he finds that he's restrained, blindfolded, and his wounds are bandaged. Kakashi is saving his life, despite urges to do otherwise, and he finds he's oddly grateful.

Because it's _Kakashi_ who's doing it.

And knowing that one of his precious persons still lives and cares for him is almost comforting.

—

_"What happened, Sasuke?"_

_"Why did you come back, Sasuke?"_

_"Who did this to you, Sasuke?"_

Kakashi asks him questions and Sasuke provides him with answers. In return, Kakashi talks to him about aimless things; about things that have happened in the years he's been gone—when Naruto and Sakura were still alive. He speaks of anything and everything, keeping Sasuke company among hostile ninja who would like nothing but to kill him; Konoha has never been friendly to missing nin, no matter his reason for assuming the status. Kakashi is the only one who smiles at Sasuke, and with him, Sasuke feels a sense of normality that he hasn't felt for years.

He almost doesn't want to recover and leave in search of Itachi, but his body has never cared what his mind wants, and it isn't a month before Kakashi pronounces him fit to stand and fight again.

"Will you be leaving now?" Kakashi asks, and Sasuke hesitates before he responds with a nod of his head. The concern shown in his hesitation is enough words for Kakashi to answer Sasuke's question without him saying a word. "I won't stop you, then."

The thank you Kakashi receives is the last thing he'll ever hear from the last of his first students.

Sasuke has no intention of returning to a Konoha that burned brighter and faster than his clan ever did.

—

The silence that settles over the area when Sasuke finally catches up with Itachi again is almost deafening. Itachi doesn't look at him, and Sasuke says nothing. What Itachi expects of him won't happen, Sasuke decides, because he's tired of being the puppet. For once, he wants to be the puppet master, but he has never been as adept at creating them as Itachi has.

"Why did you do it?"

He's been a perfect doll for years. A masterpiece that not even the best of puppet masters have ever been able to surpass. Itachi's hands are deft and beautiful, Sasuke thinks; they paint the most beautiful images of death: pictures that burn their way into a person's mind so deeply that they can never forget.

_"If you want to kill me, then blame me; hate me; and live on in shame."_

Sasuke is tired of being Itachi's creation.

It is characteristic of human nature to want to rebel against those that rule over you, and Sasuke has never wanted more to be human. As a doll, he'll forever be caught in Itachi's strings; but as a human with his own mind and will—

"You're too weak, _oroka naru otouto yo_."

He'd expected that answer, and for once he isn't infuriated by its derogatory tone. Instead, he's disappointed—both in Itachi, who no longer has his eyes, and in himself, a doll who has never had eyes in the first place.

And so he walks away from Itachi.

Briefly, he wonders if, even without his eyes, Itachi can see that Sasuke's cut the strings that once tied them together.

—

Sasuke's entire life has focused on becoming just like Itachi. First it was out of a child's naive idolization of his older brother, and then it was because only by becoming Itachi would he ever be able to defeat Itachi. In Sasuke's mind, Itachi was God—he made him so as a child, and never thought to convert to a new religion.

To many, religion is their one constant in life, and to have that taken away is nothing short of catastrophic.

The best revenge is no revenge at all, Sasuke read once. He's never agreed with it, much less even thought about abiding by it—but he is listening to it now. Itachi spent years provoking him, taunting him, mocking him: all in the interest of strengthening him. In a way, Itachi is the brother Sasuke's always wanted.

In killing everyone else, Itachi made Sasuke his primary focus and interest; never neglected, never forgotten, Itachi loves Sasuke more than Sasuke ever loved him. Sasuke realizes this, and it was for this reason that he strived with all his strength of will to fulfill Itachi's request.

But he cannot forgive Konoha's destruction.

Hate is a powerful emotion, and like any attack, the most powerful ones take the most energy. It took more energy than Sasuke had to hate Itachi—so much so that he couldn't find it within him to hate anyone else. Sasuke loved Konoha and all the people in it—he loved Konoha enough to leave it, to abandon it, to betray it.

He loved Konoha the way Konoha once loved him.

Konoha is gone now, and he no longer has the energy to do anything.

—

"Did you know what you were doing, when you created me? Do you know what you've created?"

Sasuke stands over Itachi, his sword against Itachi's throat. His mouth opens and closes, but the words aren't spoken vocally. His mind speaks louder than his voice, and Itachi answers him clearly for once.

"I created a monster..."

He finds this funny—Itachi's answer. Maybe he's finally become what he's always wanted to be.

"A monster, huh?" His laughter rings loudly in the still and silent forest around them, and there is a solid thud on the ground as Itachi's head rolls at his feet.

It hurts to know nothing comes after this in life.

There are tears on his face, but he doesn't know if they're coming from his eyes or from his heart.

_"A monster, huh?"_

His heart is pounding when he wakes, and his eyes sting from the tears.

_"I've always wanted to be just like you."_

—

When Itachi attacks him, Sasuke has a smile on his face. The world is cruel to them, he thinks, and he tries not to think as he defends against his brother's katana. Itachi has never gotten weaker, even without his eyes—he's only gotten stronger. But Sasuke is not weak either, no matter what Itachi says, and they fight on even ground.

Sasuke wonders why everything takes place in this clearing, now.

_"What will you do after you kill me?"_

_"What will you do if I die?"_

He would like to describe the battle as a dance, but the world is cruel and cruelty has never been poetic. It's harsh, it's loud—it's anything but graceful—and Sasuke hates it. Brothers shouldn't fight against each other, he thinks, but reason has never set well with either of them and so he dismisses the thought as a stray one.

_"If you want to kill me, then blame me; hate me; and live on in shame."_

There is a ring, and Itachi's katana flies out of his hand. Sasuke feels almost insulted that Itachi is letting him win this way, but ninja are not chivalrous, and so he takes advantage of the opening and holds his sword at Itachi's neck. "Did you know what you were doing, when you created me?" The question is familiar in Sasuke's mind, but he ignores the feeling and continues on. "Do you know what you've created?"

_"Run and run...Cling desperately to life."_

Itachi smiles at him; it's a creepy sort of smile, the kind of smile Itachi once wore years and years before as he stood over their parents' bodies. "I created a monster," he answers without any regret or fear at all, and for Sasuke, it takes all the satisfaction out of being the clear victor for once.

Sasuke's voice is bitter when he speaks again, but the bitterness quickly turns into a chuckle, and then again into laughter. "A monster, huh?" His smile matches Itachi's own, and he leans forward to whisper in Itachi's ear even as he keeps his sword in place. "I've always wanted to be like you."

_"What will you do after you kill me?"_

_"What will you do?"_

When he pulls away to look at Itachi again, the smile Itachi now wears is not the same as the one he wore before. It's almost peaceful; resigned—Itachi's eyes are closed. This is what he's always wanted.

His resignation angers Sasuke like nothing else, so he pulls the sword away, drawing it back as if to deliver the final blow.

"But I'm not you, am I?"

He wonders, idly, as the blood begins to flow and his vision begins to fade, if Itachi will catch him when he falls.

_"What will you do if I die?"_

And the world is silent.

—x—

-_end_-

* * *

**2007.08.23 NOTE:** Back in June-ish, this story was nominated for the **Naruto Choice 2007** fanfic contest over on LJ. Two days ago, the winners were announced and I am very pleasantly surprised (and happy) to say that I placed second in the "Best Surprise" and "Best Ending" categories. I also received Honorable Mention for the "Angst" category. Thanks to all of you who read my story and voted for me in the contest, I'm really grateful for that! (Seriously, some of those authors are (_ohgod_) _really_ good. Several I've worshiped for _years_ (or almost as long) so to place at all was an incredible surprise. Thank you guys all so much!


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